I over worry.
I worry about things that I cannot control. I worry about things that have not happened yet. I worry about things that have happened that I cannot change. I spend alot of my time worrying. In fact I spend so much time worrying that other things suffer.
When I worry, I get stressed. When I get stressed, I freeze. When I freeze, nothing gets done.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, like I am drowning, and I can't keep my head above water.
Why do I do this? Why do I react like this? Why can't I get a handle on this? Why do I worry about things that I can't control?
Why is control so important? What am I scared of?
I am scared of struggling the way my mother did. She was a single mother, raising two kids in private school. Money was always an issue. Money is an issue right now. I don't know what to do. I guess money is like a security blanket, and when money is tight, I feel insecure. Unfortunitly, this carries over to every other area of my life.
The twisted part is, that the parts of my life that I SHOULD be control, like my weight and what I eat, I cant seem to get under control. It's like all or nothing. I get stressed and things snowball. Then I freeze. And every area of my life is effected. It's 330am, and I can't sleep. I am sitting on the couch, watching Three's Company. And the later I stay up, the more problems I DON'T solve.
I have made myself very busy for the next few months. I have taken on a lot of projects. I am excited about them, but am I doing this to "block" out my stress? I dont know.
Someone today told me that I have to stop myself from thinking about things I can't control all the time. That I should set aside time each day to stress about issues and then move on. Sounds good, and if I could figure out how to turn off my brain, that may just work.
Another friend told me that her faith is what saved her. I envy her. I don't have that type of faith. I don't even know how to go about trying to find it.
I have spent my whole life worried about money and feeling insecure, and I hate it.
I feel for you, Denise. I know it can be devastating and paralyzing.
ReplyDeleteI was a single mom for a long time, too. I lived day by day, literally having 36 cents in my wallet by the next pay day. Financial worries don't go away, even when you're in a situation where you seemingly have enough. But I look back on those times and they show me that despite the hardship, I made it. I look at it as it reminding me that if I made it through that, I can make it through anything.
Faith is an amazing gift from God, but it comes through working at it. You don't get ANYTHING for nothing. It's a relationship with God. Start by going to church. Start by reading a life-application Bible. Start by praying! Jesus is your big brother and he's with you all the time.....how can you loose? But it's just like ANY relationship.....it's a give and take thing and you have to want it.
Control.....such an interesting concept. I think people have the misgiving that they can actually control something but I truly think that's a false belief. And why would anyone WANT to control it all? What a huge responsibility that is! It's all enveloping! Instead, if we just work on that small area of our own lives, that influences only us, we'd be so much happier and so much better off.
I've learned that through less and less control, I enjoy life more and more. I truly embrace what tomorrow brings, without worrying about it. I know in my heart that no matter what, God IS in control, even if things look ridiculous out there! But I have a spiritual way of looking at life that most others don't have. That's where that faith thing comes in again. I know that if someone isn't where I am when it comes to faith, that's not going to make any sense.
God wants us to be happy, Denise. You're not going to get there if you allow yourself to continue the bad habit of worrying about life. If you release that, you will be liberated of the bad force that keeps you from knowing great joy! But only you can CONTROL that! (no pun intended~) That should be a big enough job for you to tackle and you won't have time to worry about anything else. Go for it! It'll be a new challenge for you and one that's worth fighting for!
You can do this thing!
Hey Linda,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments. I hope to be able to look back one day and say, “look, I made it through.”
I think my issues with faith, stem from Catholic school. Most questions in religion class were answered with, “you need to take it on faith”. And sometimes I needed more of an answer than that.
I have read the bible, and I do pray, all the time. And I know that someone up there is watching out for me. I have been very blessed in my life. Maybe the problem is, I don’t really know what faith is. How can you define or better yet, describe faith? When I thought about this, I couldn’t do it. And what about giving things over to God, how do you do that?
I just can’t walk away from my responsibilities and say, “God will take care of it”, in my mind, hopefully, God will give me the ability to get it done. Does any of this make sense? I am having a crisis of faith, and I am not even sure what that is.
Control is a very interesting concept. I don’t think that it is always bad either. But for me, it is all or nothing. I hate that it is, but that is the way I think. This is where my stress comes from. I really don’t WANT to control it all. But its like I cant let go and let someone else do it.
I do envy your faith. It makes you happy, it confuses me. How do I stop worrying and just let it go? That is the part I cant figure out.
I think people might say that have read the Bible, but it takes more than that to understand it. It takes time.....lots of it, and it takes study. I was born and raised Roman Catholic so I know what you mean. It wasn't until I took it into my hands and decided not to go down that path anymore, that I went searching for the answers.......and got them! I've been doing this thing for 18 years now and I haven't regretted one moment of it.
ReplyDeleteGiving things up to God just means you know your own limits. He doesn't want us to be irresponsible. Hell no! We are held accountable, in some form or another, but we also have to understand that there are things that we just can't do without Him. Again, I have to say that once you learn your own limitations, it's such a huge relief to know that what you can't change or handle, He will. It may not be on your terms or in your time, but it's really all on His time anyway. We just fook ourselves into believing that we are really in control of it all.
Denise, the answers are there, but again, it takes time and effort.... a true dedication to the study of it all, to get the answers you're looking for. I wish I could say there is an easy way, but nothing worth having comes easily!
Have you tried writing down what exactly it is that you worry about, then deciding whether or not this is something you can change? Have you tried looking up in the Bible what it says about the things you are worrying about? Just an idea.....
I meant to say "FOOL" not "FOOK!" hahahaha!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Linda,
ReplyDeleteI think I know my own limitations, but accepting them is another story! LOL. I do have some books on prayers and the bible. I should start reading some of them.
Actually I picked up a fantastic book called, "The Worn-Out Woman" it is about... well exactly what we have been talking about here. It has bible sections to read with each topic and exercises to do. I read it about 2 years ago and LOVED it and really felt so much better after reading it. I have just picked it up to start reading it again. I will let you know when I finish it.